The Jet Slags
by lexa30
Summary: When there's no time to date but a lot of time spent flying, our favourite trio come to a decision. Proclaiming the only way to get laid: mile high. But what happens when a certain bronze haired beauty boards a plane to Seattle- can B find the time? AH
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, obvs. **

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><p>Urban Dictionary definitions of jet:<p>

1) _T__o leave quickly, especially when no one knows or is watching_

2) _A girl who is extremely hot/sexy_

3) _A plane that uses engines that push air behind the plane to propel it forward_

Urban Dictionary definition of slag:

_An individual who cares not for relationships beyond the realm of the sexual, these people sleep with many partners not caring about anything save for the moment of climax._

***o*o***

My name is Bella Swan and I am a Jet Slag.

A member of the unique and highly exclusive group of frequent fliers, who are regarded to be some of the Mile High Club's top performers. Famous-ish in the vast community of Seattle's most sleazy business men (not for me, thank-you very much) and our friends, their friends, friends of those friends, and said friends, friends, friends, friends. Did you catch that?

Just so you'll have a clearer idea of what it is I'm getting at, my two life-long best friends Alice and Rosalie (the frequent fliers in this scenario), and I have gathered somewhat of a reputation for participating in extracurricular activities with men, whilst flying thirty thousand feet in the air.

The reputation: spread by the people we know as friends, exaggerated by Chinese whispers, and brought to our attention by a skanky British bitch, one Jane Davis. Effectively giving us the name – the Jet Slags. Clever one she is. Jet Slags. Jet lag. Wow.

Alas, the name stuck. Because although we're not as bad as the rep we were given, if you look at the name in depth (not my doing I might add- there's no stopping Alice when she's on to something) it actually defines what we're doing fairly accurately. _We're_ doing. Are. Kind of. Possibly still. Maybe. Half.

_Stay on track, Bella!_

Leaving quickly with no one watching – a must! I'm sure _that_ story will come out at some point.

The whole hot/sexy girl thing, well... Rose goes without saying-seriously, most of these men can hardly stutter out a sentence around her. I'm not so bad looking if I do say so myself. And Alice is a former Little Miss Port Angeles, but that was fifteen years ago. And actually it's _really _wrong that I just referred to a contest for ten-year olds as proof of maturing sexiness. Regardless, she really is gorgeous.

And a plane is a plane, obviously. Also known as a jet. Sometimes jumbo, though the men aren't often.

Stupid jokes aside, I should probably explain from the top, as this isn't getting me anywhere.

Ladies and gentlemen, take a seat, stow your own battered and well-used luggage somewhere unreachable for the moment, and I'll let you in on a few things that may or may not have contributed to my current situation.

Preparing for takeoff.

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><p><strong>What do you guys think? Are you liking the look of this?<strong>

**Future chapters longer, funnier and more lemony! **


	2. Chapter 1

**Again, still don't own Twilight. Hope you guys enjoy it- we're starting from the top...**

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><p>Yeah, so I thought I'd begin with a few tales of past. From how we came to be, to some of our, uh... more memorable liaisons. Well, I mean mine aren't all that but oh man, some entertaining things have happened with Rose.<p>

I'll start off with a few basic facts that I may have neglected to mention:

25 years old and assistant to the senior editor of Seattle publishing company, Cope & Weber Publishing. My boss, Angela, is incredibly lovely and graciously gave me the job 2 years ago even though I didn't have the required experience. Major loving for her for taking that risk on me.

The job also entails flying to good old New York biweekly to our firms other office. Word. I love New York.

Unfortunately for me, these trips don't leave me with much free time. Free time is sleepy time for Bella. I think I've been awake enough to actually see the city once – I'm normally like a zombie.

No, my love for the big apple doesn't come from these trips, but from a combination of spending a month there after graduating from college and the girls weekends me, Ali and Rose used to take every couple of months when our works weren't quite so demanding. We kinda fancied ourselves to be like the Sex and the City girls- doesn't everyone?

The time we spent there definitely solidified our mutual adoration for the city. All I'm saying is thank fuck Rose is a trust fund baby, 'cause there's no way in hell we could have afforded the apartment we stayed in after college if she hadn't been steadfast on sharing her "Fucked- up Funds" as she calls it. She insists her parents are fuck ups, and that that in turn labels her as "fucked-up". She's far from it, believe me.

It may take a while for her to warm up to you, and yeah that may be due to her parents never being around when she was little- trust issues ya know, but once _that_ hurdle's been overcome she really is a sweetheart. But yeah, I suppose the hurdle's quite high. Most people stack.

Anywho... that's enough about that for now. Right. Here we go- this is going to be like effing Jet Slags: A History.

***o*o***

Once upon a time, roughly a year ago, on a rainy April Friday night, 3 women sat tangled up on an overstuffed couch. Between them; 2 men.

Mr Ben. And Mr Jerry.

It was our weekly movie night and just about the only time of the week that didn't have a strict schedule that we had to adhere to- even if the evening as a whole had to be blocked out well in advance. But one way or another, whether it be Friday night, Saturday or Sunday afternoon, the three of us had made an oath to devote ourselves to each other, entirely, for a minimum of 6 hours a week. In one go. Cannot be broken down. No exchanges or refunds.

Seriously, though. There's an oath, a contract and bullet pointed rules. Its Alice we're dealing with here remember.

Rule number one: no men. Not exactly hard to stick by seeing as none of us have a boyfriend- we have to block out time for these evenings remember?

Two: the movie must be agreed upon in advance, so that the evening (or afternoon, depending) is as stress free as possible. Believe me; if we all raise our voices in one go it can be hard to get out alive. On more than one occasion our friends and families have left the room scared for their lives that one of us was going to turn on them next. Apparently we turn into animals.

Three: _all_ information on our respective sex lives must be shared. Whether it be a one night stand with a _cock_tail sausage, or a co-worker giving a quick grope in the elevator (this one guy I work with is _such_ a fucking pervert I swear), we share all. Usually it results in missing the movie, or a large portion of it, due to laughing. For us, our sex lives were rarely thrilling and more often than not only provided us with jokes for our evening.

The fourth and final rule: no work shall be brought to movie night. At all. For those 6 hours, work did not exist.

That's not to say work was never spoken of between us- just not on movie night. In general we tried to meet up for lunch as much as possible, if we could. It was in our lunch breaks or our three way calls at night (I know, how very Lizzie McGuire of us right) that we could bitch about anything under the sun. Or under the office roof.

So there we were, lounging around on our Friday night eating ice cream and watching Sex and the City_: The Movie_ – obvs, it's movie night- and our pitiful sex lives were on the agenda. Not a single one of us had something to share this week. Not even Rose. It's shameful really; we're already so obsessed with work that we barely have time to fucking masturbate, let alone get a date.

Luckily for us, the following weekend was our scheduled, _what else,_ trip to good old New York, New York. Sex and the City was supposed to be getting us in the mood. It kinda made me depressed... I want a Mr Big!

I just don't want him to run off at our wedding. Tut tut.

At any rate, there I was half watching the movie and half day dreaming about what I would do to Chris Noth if I ever saw him - the man can 'color' with me any day he likes – when Ali suddenly gasps and stretches her hands out nearly whacking both me and Rose in the face. The shriek that followed was highly unnecessary in my opinion. Never the less, she had just come up with the starting point of our little venture into the grand Mile High Club- so I guess in her mind the scream was called for.

"I. Am a fucking genius!"

Rosalie and I shared a speculative glance- we'd heard this before. It rarely turned out well.

"Uhhhhuh. What is it this time?" Rosalie rolled her eyes. "'Cause I swear to Ghandi if all you've thought of is another way to wear that fucking scarf you bought, I will suffocate that pixie face of yours with the overpriced cushion for interrupting my fantasy about Mr Big over there!"

_Oooh, I wonder if she was thinking the same things as me. She's more creative- I bet hers were better._

I threw Rose a wink and mouthed "me too". Great minds think alike.

"No seriously. Just listen" Alice stated, "This dry spell we're in isn't going to get much better any time soon wi-"

"Speak for yourself bitch! This week has been a one off for me."

"_Rose_. Shut. Up. We _all_ had a dry spell this week and with us working so hard recently it's likely we can't even socialise with anyone who doesn't work with, or is related to, us. Everyone that works at Nordstrom in my department is a woman or gay and I'm not about to turn lesbian, but thinking about it maybe that would be easier."

_The girl makes good points. _Working as a replenishment assistant buyer for cosmetics isn't exactly one of those jobs where you hear about girls falling in love with the hunky guy at the desk next to theirs. Lesbian probably would be easier: plenty of girls around.

"Al's right, the future's looking bleak for me too unless I hook up with Angela's husband or Sam the security man." Yeah, I put my two cents in. I'd quite like her to get to the fucking point. I don't need to be taken away from my Mr Big fantasy to hear about my shitty sex life. Seriously- I fucking know!

"Ooh, security doesn't sound too bad. A nice beefcake, big arms, tall, but a softy underneath. My kinda guy."

"Even the great Rosalie Hale can't get Sam the security man. And sweetie, trust me he's not your type. His job is basically watching security cameras all day and drinking coffee- no beefcake. Most of the time he gives you a head nod, but not all ways. Anyway he's fat, balding like a monk and there's a rumour about him and the doorman getting it on. There's a lot of winking going on across the lobby and unless it's a secret code to keep trouble out, it suggests to me that they're gay." Why do I even need to explain this?

_Get to the point. Get to the point. Get to the mother-shagging point!_

"Yes. Great. Lovely. As I was saying, I have a plan..."

_Oh thank god- if this doesn't hurry up I'm definitely going back to my fantasy. I think Rosalie's already there because that look on her face can't be about Sam. Although knowing her, you never can be too sure. There was this one phase in college where she seemed to go for the fugliest guys she could; even dating them for a few weeks. No fucking idea why- she never did tell us..._

"Helloooo? Are you two even listening to me?"

Shit.

Yeah, Rose was fantasising. She just jumped at least 2 inches off the couch; Ali's voice can be pretty loud.

"Sorry babe, but your dramatic pause went on a bit too long and Mr Big came back to me. Only this time he was with Aidan. This better be good Al." I knew it! Rose is definitely more creative- I'ma keep that combination for later.

Alice sighed her _'I'm getting annoyed and about to slap a bitch if you don't do as I say'_ sigh – usually reserved for sales assistants, that one; we best listen up.

"We're listening, please continue."

She glared at us before beginning, "It is becoming harder and harder for us to get laid-"

"Are you fucking kidding me? That's what you had to say? For the damn last half hour all we've talked about is not getting any." Rose will never learn- Alice continued as if there had been no interruption.

"And there is a large amount of free time that could be used to rectify this situation that all three of us have overlooked", smug look inserted here. "Like the both of you, I was also having a little fantasy of my own, however I'm sure that _unlike_ the both of you mine had a slight twist."

Well I'm sure it was more adventurous than mine, but Rose. Mmm I'm not so sure; by the look on Rose's face she isn't sure either.

"Three words girls: mile high club. We fly all the time and it's about the only completely uninterrupted block of time we have where there's nothing to do. Not even Wi-Fi. Rich guys fly, hot businessmen, male _models_ and most of them are going to the big cities like us. In fact I don't even care what they fucking _look _like at this point; I just want some release that doesn't come from rabbit!"

_True dat!_

I swear Rose's eyes lit up like the mo-fucking Rockerfeller Christmas tree. _Bub-byeee Aidan and Big; helloooo Mr Clooney in that film with the Oscars and that Anna Kendrick girl._

Yet I am less sure. It's hard to change your clothes without dipping the end of your pants in piss or water (less so in business class, yet still hard to keep balance); let alone fuck. That's _so_ impractical: there's a fucking toilet sticking out at you, wet floor, a sink and fuck me if I don't push my hand against the door when I'm peeing for fear of it not being closed properly.

"Yeah, so uh... how about a _no_ from me. I really don't think that would help us, I doubt there's that many people willing to have sex with us on a plane because being realistic here; unless you're sitting next to them, there won't be any chance for talking beforehand and I kinda like to know the name of them first. Also, if they weren't sitting next to you how would you go about having sex with them? Seducing men into cramped spaces that smell like urine isn't something I do on a regular basis. Not to mention this would be done sober."

Just had to get all that out there: I don't think she thought this through and I'm nothing if not organised. Actually, we all are so I don't know what happened there. Either way I think it's dawning on our germ freak that this would require getting down and dirty somewhere that's actually dirty.

Rose rolls her eyes at me. She won't be rollin' 'em when the door opens and she falls off a dick and onto the cabin floor: will she? Nope. Nooooo she will not.

Alice surprises me by shrugging her shoulders. As I said earlier: what's happening to the world?

"Honey now we really _can_ tell you need to get some; rants like that aren't healthy for you or us. We're hot enough to catch guys attention wherever we are, be that air, land _or_ sea..."

_When would we be at sea? _Regardless, Rosalie powers on.

"You look for a ring: no ring and BING BING BING- he's a winner! Make with the eyes, flirty face, motion to the restroom, gesture a time and off you go; badda bing, badda boom."

Mmmhmm, yeah she's an expert at this restroom sex with a stranger thing: you can tell. I cock my eyebrow. Ha- cock!

She makes it sound very easy. And now she's smiling and nodding her head at me, the patronising bitch.

Oh God wait. Alice hasn't said anything yet. Why hasn't she said anything yet? It's scaring me. You can't tell what she's thinking of in her evil little brain. Her face is unreadable.

She exhales and closes her eyes slowly. What. The fuck. Is going on?

"_Bella_. Bella, Bella, Bella," Alice says whist reopening her eyes and giving me a sickeningly sweet smile. _Meanwhile, the film has been paused I notice._ She continues, "You think that you don't want this; that I haven't thought this through. Only once I'd sorted all that shit out in my head did I let you know how fucking awesome I am by telling you my plan. You need cock. Fact".

_Wow. Way to put it bluntly._

"Just have an open mind. As Sophocles once said, 'one learns by doing a thing; for though you think you know it, you have no certainty until you try it'."

"Who the fuck is Sophocles?" Both me and Rose there. I have no idea where Alice gets this bullshit.

And then she rolls her eyes, "He was a _Greek_".

We shrug. _Moving on..._

"Look the point is: don't knock it 'till you try it. Like I said, I've thought of everything and _the_ perfect opportunity is coming up next weekend; we'll all be there to have a go. In fact Bella, if you're so against joining the mile high club you can just watch and learn. Although like I just told you Sophocles said-"

"Yeah I heard what he said Al, I guess I just... I'm not sure okay. But if you guys want to do it, then by all means."

The girls grinned at each other and the plan was set. The following weekend was to be the start of The Jet Slags.

Truth was I was already warming up to the idea at this point, but just to be certain I let them go first. Well... Rose went first.

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><p><strong>Told you there would be more! Some of their mile high liaisons up next.<strong>

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**Press the button and drop me a :). Or a :(. Or maybe a :S. But hopefully the first one. **


	3. Chapter 2

**I still don't own any part of the Twilight saga. Or any other saga.**

**Still, on we go...**

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><p>It was the day of our long awaited trip to New York, just 7 days after <em>Alice's Great Plan<em>, as it was being called at the time, was formed in Rosalie's apartment.

Our suitcases were packed and waiting by Ali's front door, work cell phones were being switched off and stuck in a drawer and hair and make-up were getting a quick touch up.

Schedule Girl, as Alice was aptly named by our friends, was pacing. The car taking us to SeaTac was 3 minutes late by this point; it looked like Alice was going to burn a whole through the floor.

The time, you ask? 10:03 am.

The departure time for our flight on this oddly sunny Friday... 1:25pm

Mmmhmm. Me and Rose weren't worried. It takes a staggering half hour max to get from Rose's downtown apartment to the airport.

Evidently, Alice _was_ worrying. Arriving a second after check-in opened was unacceptable; for Alice, it means less time in duty free. Not that I'm against that or anything- I just don't feel the need to go all military control freak over not having enough time to try every perfume in the store, when all any of us ever do is get the same one we always get.

Luckily for us, _and the driver_, the car arrived just 5 minutes late. Fingers crossed there's no traffic: a tense Ali is not a fun person to be around.

The topic of conversation in the car turned to the looming _AGP_.

"I can't fucking wait to get on this plane. Just thinking about a real live cock is making my mouth water." Tactful language, as ever, from Miss Rosalie Hale.

Our poor driver looked horrified; I'm sure I felt the car swerve.

I tried glaring at her.

Rose being Rose, she decided ignored me and carried on regardless of the man in his 60's that was driving the vehicle we were currently sitting in.

"There's bound to be a hot male model type on his way to New York for the weekend- I always see at least one fine piece of man meat. Come to think of it, I don't know why I never thought of The Plan myself."

_This driver is going to be scarred for life by the time we get to the airport; best give him a big tip. Rose can pay: she's the one talking._

"Because I'm the creative one," said Alice, "and I'm calling first dibs on the _man meat_."

"Whatever; he might be with a friend. You sure you don't want to try this out Bells?"

"Nuh-uh. I'm totally happy watching and learning how it's done," I replied.

Obviously the girls were happy, they had more choice of potential 'man meat' considering I wasn't currently in the picture. The simultaneous _Okay_ that came from both of them told me that.

"Besides; I forgot to wax."

Dirty look from the besties inserted here. Totally not my fault I've been so busy. Cramming five days of work into four is hard work: I barely had time to pack.

By this time we had pulled up to the airport and the driver shakily gave us our luggage without meeting us in the eye. _What a sweetheart._

Anyway, as previously stated there was no way in hell I was going first with this thing. That's not how I roll.

Apparently, it wasn't how Alice rolled either.

***o*o***

As luck would have it, there was in fact a hot male model onboard the five and a half hour flight that day.

Unfortunately, there was only one. And let's not forget that Alice had already called dibs...

"There you go Ali, right there in the front row. Nice and rugged, cute ass- don't _even_ try and say you didn't look when he bent over Bella, I know what you're like." Rose said as we sat down in our seats; me and Alice to the left, leaving Rose next to an angry looking middle aged woman who promptly turned and faced out the window.

I grinned and nudged Al with my elbow.

"Sooo, how are you going to get his attention huh?" I started, "You could make an elaborate scene at the front of the plane and gracefully trip into his lap. He'll catch you and scoop you in to his strong waiting arms, where you'll whisper a sexy phrase in his ear- something naughty but reserved- and tell him to follow you in to the restroom after a few minutes so you can thank him good and proper".

Rose looked thoughtful at my attempt at a joke.

_Great, now you've given her ideas. _

"Rose, it was a joke," I said before she got carried away.

"Yeah Rose, I mean there's no way I could get his attention from way back here. Obviously Bella's being her dramatic self; there's just no way to make this plan work with him. I didn't factor this in to the plan, this um... large distance that's separating us. It's just not going to work. Maybe on the way back. Yeah, for sure the way back home," Alice quickly rambled away, nodding to herself. "I'm so disappointed."

_Typical Alice._ I tried to stifle my laughs behind my hand.

Rose did no such thing and laughed outright, disrupting the sour-faced passenger to her right.

"If you're too chicken-shit to do it you only had to say babe. I'm happy to step up to the mark, and thank you Bella for giving me my material," Rose said across the aisle.

_Oh, Jesus Christ. _

As the flight took off for New York, I busied myself reading a book, listening to Alice grumble something about chicken shit, orgasms and sex gods; whilst Rosalie sat and presumably fantasised about the sex that was to come.

Presuming Mr Hottie-at-the-front agreed of course.

***o*o***

As it turned out, Mr Hottie-at-the-front – whose name to this day, we still do not know- declined Rose's not so subtle offer.

_Told her tripping into his lap was a bad idea._

However that's not to say that Alice's Great Plan wasn't tested on that flight; if we're to believe as Rosalie says, and there's no good reason why we shouldn't, her first venture in to the Mile High Club was, and I quote, 'the second best orgasm' of her life.

_I know, I know. _Second _best! What does she do, rank them? Keep score?_

No, the hottie wasn't the man to give her this nearly amazing big 'O', rather a man of a different kind.

As Rosalie sat back in her seat 15 minutes after she vacated it with a big ass grin on her face, me and Alice came to the only logical conclusion: she fucked Mr Hottie and had a fairly good time doing it.

Imagine our surprise when we looked up and saw a slightly familiar looking middle-aged man leaving the very same lavatory Rose just exited, complete with grin and a slightly rumpled suit.

_Fuck. My. Life. Rose did not just do who I think she did!_

Rosalie found herself staring in to two severely shocked faces across the aisle; one with a fly catcher for a mouth, _that's me_, the other with eyes bugged out so big she looked like a bush baby, _that would be Alice._

The silence stretched out until it became apparent Rose couldn't take it anymore.

"For fucks sake, B close your damn mouth and Ali you're going to pop a blood vessel. Yes- I fucked that man," she said.

Moody bitch next to Rose looked like _she_ was about to pop a blood vessel. Seriously. _Should we be concerned?_

I closed my mouth and glared at Rose, _again_, twitching my head to the woman behind her. She seemed to get my message because she turned right around in her seat, away from us, and politely told the stuck-up bitch that she probably didn't want to listen to words that would soon be coming out of her mouth, as the concept of sex clearly wasn't something the woman had ever experienced and that we didn't want her, and her cobweb covered vagina, to go getting her hopes up. Before turning back round to face us, crossing her legs delicately and letting out a satisfied sounding gust of air.

_Shiii-yaaatt!_

_Sooo not what I wanted her to say, but it will do._

"I am soooo glad I didn't go first," Alice said with a sigh, earning herself a gaff from Rose and a smirk from me.

"Honey believe me, _I'm_ glad you freaked out too. I mean that was just... uunngh," Rose groaned.

_Sounds like she had a good time then. I wanna groan in sexual satisfaction!_

"Both of you stop pouting: it's your own damn fault. Don't you wanna hear how it was?"

_Uhh- yeah!_ Cue nodding from us, and eyebrow wagging from Rose.

"Okay so you both saw me do the whole tripping into his lap thing- which by the way Bella, was the stupidest idea _ever-_"

"I told you not-"

Rose cut me off and carried on, "So basically, I did the whole flirting, sexy talk thing and when he politely turned me down- he's totally gay, with a rainbow bracelet and everything by the way- the guy next to him perked up.

"So I look at him and at first glance he seemed waay to old, but he's not actually that bad looking. Obv he's no George Clooney but... Anyway I was horny as fuck; I was used to getting some _way_ more frequently than you two, so don't even pretend to know how I felt, so I went for it."

"Yeah Rose, that's great and all, but what we really want to know is how it was! How's my plan?" Alice demanded impatiently.

"Sweetie, your plan is _the_ motherfucking best thing I've ever heard of. I'm gunna be getting a lot of love out of this sky in the future ladies. Just thinking about makes me want to go and grab that sexy fucker for some more. Mmm mmm.

"It's okay, I'll restrain myself so I can tell you slutty bitches how good my sex just was."

Rose continued to tell us _all_ about her sexy times with the M.A.S.T as he is now known as: that's Middle Aged Sex Toy, in full.

She let us know, in explicit detail, that even though he didn't kiss too well and she had to wash around her mouth to remove the make-up stains, his dick was not to be messed with.

"He just... dropped his pants, and _my god_ it was the fucking thickest dick I've ever seen; literally begging to be sucked. _Unghh_. The only thing I could think was _in, in, in_- seriously, if he hadn't picked up the condom that fell out of my bra there's not a chance in hell I'd have remembered."

As a general rule, Rosalie is always prepared for any sexual opportunity by having a condom tucked in her bra at all times. Very useful if you're someone as promiscuous as her- don't let her know I said that.

She candidly carried on telling us all about her sexcapade for the remaining half hour of the flight, much to the chagrin of her new bestie on the right. And believe me when I say that she wasn't reserved. If I remember correctly, some of the phrases included:

"And when he licked my nipples I just fucking lost it, ya know. He may not have been a good kisser, but the way he was circling and lapping at those babies just drove me wild: almost came from that alone, I swear to god."

And,

"Same with the clit: he was rubbing quicker than a rabbit on speed."

And,

"...pulsing and warm and just the feeling of his dick twitching again set me off into another one. The only way it could have been any better was if I had fucking feelings for the guy".

Little did I know then that I would have tested that theory.

And let me tell you; it is most definitely better with feeling.

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><p><strong>What are we thinking: do we like?<strong>

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